Mi Life Is An Adventure

Mi crazy, wonderful, beautiful life.

The 5 Best Things About Being Paisley’s Mummy April 28, 2012

April 2012

This is Paisley. Paisley is 4 years old. She is crazy, fun, and has a flair for the dramatic. The following are the five things I like best about being her Mum.

5) I love that she cares so much about other people. She is usually quite selfless and I often wonder if I have a mini humanitarian in the making. She loves to make people smile, and laugh. She also love to give her time to things. If someone needs help with something, Pais will happily volunteer to lend a hand. I love that about her. I know one day when she is old enough she will be the kid who spends her saturday mornings working at the animal shelter down the road.

4) Paisley sleeps in. Now that might not seem like much, but when you’re a sleep deprived Mum, it means everything in the world to get just an extra half an hour on a Sunday morning. When Pais was born she had colic for the first 5 months. Shaughn and I would split up our nights to deal with her. She screamed from 7pm almost 4am. It was 6:59 and we had a happy baby, but at 7, BAM! Screamy, squirmy, red-faced angry Paisley came out. Shaughn would send me to bed at 7, and let me sleep till 1 or 2, then I would get up so he could sleep till 8 to be to work for 9. It was a rough time. At 5 months someone flipped a switch and suddenly my devil possessed, tense, high-strung baby turned into a sleeping miracle kid. She will sleep often on the weekends till 8:30, after going to bed at 7:30…that’s right YO! 13 Hours!!!! That’s MY kid!

3) I think that Paisley has an amazing imagination, and I love to listen to her make up stories, and songs, scenes that she acts out. It’s incredible. I am always amazed at all the new things that come so freely out of her mouth. Sometimes she is a fire fighter, or a princess, last night she was a king. She loves music and will bust a move as we clean or cook!

2) Paisley is energised by learning. She loves to practice her letters, learn about space, animals, and how numbers work. She is always asking questions and really listens to the answer. God help me if I don’t have it, yesterday she asked me to “Google it”….good gracious, she’s only 4!!!!! When I think about myself at her age, I know I was the same, and I still am. I love to learn, to read, and am constantly ‘googling’ things to find the answer. She seeks out knowledge, and with each new subject she finds new and different ways of looking at things. She often will start at topic A, and end somewhere around Q….She loves to ask ‘What if’….What if I did this, or if I did this, what will happen. It’s amazing.

1) My daughter keeps me young. She constantly makes me reevaluate why and how I do things. She makes me want to be a better mother. She encourages me to continue my own self learning, and keeps me grounded. She reminds me that sometimes it’s the littlest things that are important. I can’t go on a walk with her without stopping to smell the flowers, it’s impossible. And I think sometimes, we ALL need to stop and smell the flowers, otherwise life just passes us by too quickly, and how sad is that?

 

What are the top 5 things you love about your child?

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The Walk Before The Run April 25, 2012

We all have to start somewhere...

We all have to start somewhere right? We aren’t born doing all the amazing things we can do as adults. We have to learn to feed ourselves, to talk and walk. We learn empathy, how to appropriately express our feelings of happiness, anger, joy and sorrow.

We don’t know anything, and everything is a learning process. This continues our whole lives, through school, through relationships, through jobs, and through our surroundings.

I have thought a lot about what I am learning about myself lately. I’ve taken time to examine who I am, where I’ve been, and where I’m going. Figuring out how I am going to get there, and what I need to do to reach the finish line.

My life wasn’t easy growing up, it wasn’t horrible by any stretch, but it wasn’t easy. I always felt that I had to live up to my parents standards, even when I tried my hardest, I still failed in their eyes. They loved me fiercely, and still do. I’m blessed to have them both as a huge part of my life. I still find myself reaching to meet their expectations, but I allow myself to fail now. I’m ok with it, even if they aren’t.

I spent a lot of my teenage years in turmoil, bouts with depression, relationships that weren’t good for me, drinking, drugs, doing stupid things just to make my pain stop. Of course none of it worked. I still managed to keep up a good average at school, and got into college with no problem. I was taking law, but dropped out after a semester. It just wasn’t me. I was bound by all these rules, I’m not much for conformity.

After dropping out, I volunteered, I travelled a bit, I needed to find out who I was, what I needed to do with my life. I needed to slow down, and look at my life. I had always done what others wanted me to do, and pushed down what I wanted for myself.

After a year of no school, I re-applied and was accepted into the Early Childhood Education programme, where I finally felt at home. I was in my element. I could get down and dirty with a bunch of two-year olds and go home at night, happy. I’ve never had a super paycheck, BUT I get a lot more out of my job.

I had to try one thing in college first before settling on what I really loved and needed for my life.

I find myself in a situation now, where my life is up in the air, Shaughn is still in school, rarely home, I’m a mummy who does it all. I’m learning the ropes still, 8 months later. It’s painfully slow, and some days I don’t know if I can do it. I just think I have it figured out, and wham, something stops me in my tracks, and I have to start over again.

One day I’ll run again, one day this will figure itself out, and I will find my footing.

 

Live Like We’re Dying April 15, 2012

Kris Allen – Live Like We’re Dying.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbfeSImDntw&ob=av2e

I heard this song for the first time today, I love it. I love the message. Live, like it’s your last day, what would you do with your life? Would you live it the same way?

We are all given such a short time here, our lives are so fleeting. Some days seem to go on forever, we get caught up in the crazy, we don’t take time to appreciate the beauty and joy around us. God knows I’m guilty of it.

There are only 86,400 seconds in a day. That’s it. How do you spend those seconds? Do you live with regret, not doing something that you know you should have done, wishing that you could go back and make a different decision in your life? Do you speak your mind, or do you not; afraid of who might not like what comes out. Are you scared, do you let that fear control parts of your life?

Human nature is to be safe. We play safely, wearing our protective equipment, we buckle up. (I’m not suggesting we not do either of these things.) But we don’t generally take risks with our lives, our decisions, our hearts.

What would happen if we started to live more authentically? Would we be hurt more often, or would we benefit from our honesty? Would we enjoy our lives more? Taking the job we love, versus taking the job that pays more, or by taking a leap of faith and telling someone we love them when we know it may never be reciprocated. If we all started to live our lives differently would we be happier?

Would we be more tolerant? Would we start putting faith into more things that just don’t make sense but seem real?

What would you do if you lived like you were dying?

 

My Adventure Ended…. April 12, 2012

Going Home Is Hard To Do.

Well, I made it back home unscathed, somewhat rested, and with feelings of mixed sorts.

I was unbelievably excited to see my Paisley. God I missed her. 5 days away was long enough. I missed my girl, her drama, her early waking, her laugh, her excitement, I missed it all. I was so happy when I went in to kiss her at 2 am, she woke up briefly, and smiled, and said “Mummy, I missed you”…melted my heart.

I was excited to see Shaughn, but truthfully, we still haven’t seen each other. We have not connected, I haven’t really told him anything about my trip. He has seen a few pics on Instagram, but really that’s about it. I hate this.

My life seems to have just continued exactly where I left off, I got home, got things ready for work, slept for 4 hours, woke up and had the kids that morning. Nothing has changed. It’s still the same life.

When I left, I was going for a break, which I did get. I spent time doing things I love, I was in the outdoors pretty much everyday, I was able to explore a new city, and be with a wonderful friend. I was able to remember who I was, and where I came from; before I was Mummy, before 5 kids called for me every minute of my 10 hour work day. I was able to laugh, and cry and talk…and talk….and talk. I was able to have real conversations, that weren’t filled with interruptions, or explanations.

I enjoyed doing new things, and hearing new stories about things and places I had never been or seen. It was wonderful to be away.

On Monday, I woke with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I knew my time away was over. I had to go back. Real life was calling my name. I packed and got ready for my trip to Milwaukee. Thankfully it was a 3 hour drive, still time to talk, and laugh. As soon as Miller Park (where the Brewers play) came into view, my stomach dropped. It was really ending. I was going to have to say goodbye. I hate goodbyes. HATE THEM. There was a pretty big line at the train station and we were able to talk a bit more before I boarded.

And then I had to go. My adventure was over. I had to say Good Bye to Elliot, see you in July.

It was a very uneventful ride to Chicago, I snuggled with Paisley’s cow, and just stared out the window. A million things drifted through my head as I watched the world pass out my window.

I finally arrived home to London at 2 am. It was a long trip, I was exhausted. I was looking for my bed before I stepped a foot inside the door.

So, now I wait till July. Elliot will be here for my vacation, and I will show him London, we will be hitting our Pride festival, checking out Toronto and Niagara Falls, campfires, and fun. I can’t wait. Another break. Hopefully by then Shaughn will be more settled in a job, and my life will resemble something of that of a year ago, and not my current crazy.

 

 

 

 

Trains… April 5, 2012

Filed under: Crazy,Help,Holiday Mayhem,Life,Parenting,Uncategorized — Christa @ 6:33 am
Tags: , , , ,

It’s exactly 6:15, I’ve been up since 4:15. A restless hotel sleep fraught with undreaming dreams has made me more tired than I would’ve imagined.
I am sitting on a train, heading to Chicago from Port Huron MI. After a short stop in Chicago, I head to Milwaukee.
I love the train. I always have. Watching the cars pass, wondering who is on them, where they are going. Today I am one of the train people. With my backpack and purple suitcase, I’m armed for my adventure.
I am incredibly nervous, I’ve never just left on my own before, I backpacked across Canada when I was 19, but I was with someone. I feel like I’m running away from my real life to go and live someone else’s for a few days.
I know who’s waiting for me in Wisconsin, but I have no idea really, this spur of the moment trip, this idea….what was I thinking?
My mother sat across the table from me last night pulling out everything in her Mum arsenal to get me not to go.
She used my daughter, my husband, family…the fact that I have a cold…everything to get me to stay. Was she right?
I hope not. I need this break. Desperately.
Today I am a train person, please wave to me. I need some reassurance.

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Tired. April 3, 2012

“] I feel like I’m barely holding it together here folks.

My life has been upside down for 7 months, and I’m not sure when the ‘crazy’ will end. I don’t know how much more I have to give. I feel like I am floundering, and failing at pretty much everything.

Let me preface this by saying, I’m not looking for solutions, advice, or pity. I am just a struggling Mama, and I’m doing the best I can with the skills and resources that I have.

Any of my regular readers know that my partner Shaughn has been in school since September, he went back to school to become a personal support worker, his hopes are to gain employment working in palliative care. He is currently also working full-time. Herein lies the problem.

My daughter Paisley is having an even harder time than I am. She is teary, upset, and angry, She doesn’t understand. She sees Shaughn for a grand total of 1 hour in the morning. During that hour it is showers, dressed, breakfast, I can’t help her, she misses her Daddy. She is taking her hurt out on me.

I see Shaughn for about the same amount of time. I might see him for a few minutes at night, but after a 15 hour day he and I are both done. We talk about the bills, the laundry, and the next days agenda. then goodnight.

I feel like I am failing as a mother, partner, daughter, caregiver. I am angry, I am tired. I am so tired. I feel like I am being pulled in 6 different directions, and I can’t find my footing. I have tried for so long, but it just isn’t happening.

I am heading out-of-town for a few days, hopefully some R&R. I need to regroup and refocus. I am excited that Shaughn and P will get some much-needed bonding time. I am sad that I will miss Easter, and my family, but I think I need to look after myself now. I need a change of scenery, I need to escape my 4 walls and just be Christa for a few days.

I know some people have expressed that I am being selfish, I should be with my child and family, and to these people I say ‘Walk a mile in my shoes’. Spend an entire day doing what I do, then tell me you can do it for 8 months, day in and out, without a break. I can tell you now, there are not too many people who can.

So, yes, I am being selfish. I am ok with it. I need it.

So, hopefully after this mini holiday, I will be in a better place to start my blogging regularly again. I will find the motivation to take a few minutes every few days for myself to write.

See y’all on the flip side yo!

 

 
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