Mi Life Is An Adventure

Mi crazy, wonderful, beautiful life.

Just Need To Sleep July 15, 2012

RAIN : The ground in dreams generally links to the facts and reality of your life. The sky generally symbolises the future and anticipation of change. Rain tends to link to things that are unsettling you.
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I’ve had a hard time sleeping lately. Not really surprising given the current state of my life.

My sleep has been littered with crazy dreams, waking crying, or with my heart about to beat out of my chest. I am often too afraid to fall back to sleep, as I don’t want to have another nightmare, or deal with whatever is lurking in the recesses of my mind.

It’s amazing how our brains process our waking life. I’ve tried my hardest to remember my dreams, I’m usually not very good at it. I think my brain isn’t letting me remember, to insulate me from my own brand of crazy.

There are some very specific things that I do remember, and they are often reoccurring.

Rain is a big one, dark skies, with rain just pouring down on me. I know I feel cold and wet and scared. I don’t remember if there is thunder or lightening. I don’t think there is though, I would remember that. I know that when I wake up from the rain dreams, I feel very unsettled. I am scared and usually upset. This is all interesting as most of the dream interpretations I’ve read have said that rain is a good thing. It symbolises renewal and fertility (HAHAHAHA – Fertility, for the Cancer Girl about to get rid of all her girly bits!!!) The interpretation in my picture seems to fit well.

If I look at the ground in my dreams, it is wet. I am usually barefoot in a deep puddle up to my ankles. But I must have expected it because my jeans are folded up. Everything is muddy, I’m not in the grass, or even really near any. I’m not necessarily in a city either, I don’t/can’t recall any concrete, just a big mud puddle.

So If I use the above interpretation for the ground part of my dream, I guess I feel mired down in the mud. Between the Cancer and Separation, I can’t seem to get out. I feel stuck, unable to make a move in any direction. I need someone to come and help me because I just can’t get out on my own…Which is FREAKING crazy…says Ms. Independent Can Do It On My Own-I Don’t Need Anyone To Save Me…yeah….maybe I do need some help?

Ok, so onto the skies in my dreams, which symbolise the future and anticipation of change…Well things aren’t looking too hot in that department either.

The sky is generally dark, lots of angry clouds, sometimes I know they are swirling around, other times, they are just big dark grey clouds. I don’t recall any wind. So again using the above interpretation, I would have to say that I am angry, scared, and feel like shit about my future and the changes that are happening. I’m wondering if when the clouds are swirly I’m digesting the movement of things forward? Shaughn moving out, the Oncology appointment? And on the days where the clouds are just dark and foreboding, if I am feeling stagnant?  They are just there raining down on me?

So, the rain tends to link the things that are unsettling to you. Well that is crap. It’s all rather unsettling don’t you think????

I am going to try to remember more dreams, I am going to do some research on how to remember them. The rain is the one steady one, I must have it two or three times a week.

Have a great Sunday….Cancer Girl, Out!

 

There’s Sausage and Flax Seed In My Stuffing… October 10, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Christa @ 9:21 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

What I am most thankful for.

Here it is, Thanksgiving Day (in Canada). Unbelievably, it was sunny, warm, and really, the most perfect autumn day.

Thanksgiving has been tough for my family in the last few years, it always falls on my Mum’s birthday, which is also the day her younger sister died of breast cancer. As happy as we all are to be together, there is always an empty place at the table, and my mum is never quite herself. Understandably.

Our original traditions began in my house, it used to be my grandparents, but we bought it 5 years ago. My grandparents would have the entire family over; so their 5 kids, my 14 cousins, plus the odd boyfriend, family friend, or person who had no family to join us. Usually we ended up with a good 30 people over for the holiday. Now, our/their house is small. We live in a semi-detached with less than 1000sq feet for the whole thing. What we don’t have in house, we have in yard, almost half an acre, which is unheard of in the city. I digress.

Anyways, my grandmother would prepare the turkey stuffing, (we call it dressing) the day before and leave it out, so it would be a bit stale going into the bird, and my grandfather would get up on thanksgiving day at 4, stuff the turkey and put it in the oven. Due to the size of our family, the turkey was usually between 25 and 27 lbs. That’s a lot of turkey, so it needed a lot of time to cook. At 3pm the family gathered, the kids played in the yard, eventually a family soccer match began, and we sat to eat at 5, well, the kids sat to eat at 5, then the kids did the dishes, and the parents et al sat to eat at 6:30. It was awesome. I miss those days, simple, delicious, perfect.

Fast forward to 2011, my family has shrunk considerably in some respects, my grandparents, and two aunts have passed away, but many of my cousins are now married with kids, or divorced with kids…

This year it was decided to hold Thanksgiving dinner in a local park, people would bring the food, we would eat early, and the kids could play on the playground, feed the ducks etc.  In theory it sounds ok. In reality, it sucked balls. I was constantly worried about the kiddo as there were 500 other families with the same idea, the food was cold, and non-traditional, the company was good, although scattered. I didn’t really get to visit much because everyone was too busy watching, or not watching their kids. I will say, my cousin made a lemon cheesecake to die for. That was good.

I feel very selfish in saying all of this. Thanksgiving is about  being thankful for what I have, who I have. It is about spending time with the people you love. I love my family, but didn’t spend much time with any of them other than an uncle’s mother who I barely know.

So, I guess, although this year was a bust, I would like to say I am thankful for my crazy ass family. They are a loud, obnoxious bunch, who all love each other. I am thankful that another year has gone by, and we have not needed help, we have put food on our table, clothes on our backs, and we are healthy. I am thankful for the two people in my life who are more important than anyone. I get up each day knowing that as much as I love them, they love me ten fold more.

Well, Happy Thanksgiving, don’t eat too much turkey, and always leave room for pumpkin pie. (Of which there was none of at my get together, so if anyone wants to send me some feel free to message me and I’ll send you my address!)

GOBBLE! GOBBLE!

 

 
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