Mi Life Is An Adventure

Mi crazy, wonderful, beautiful life.

My American Boy Came To Canada August 19, 2012

My American Boy, Elliot.

I’ve not blogged again in a week or so, life has just been crazeeee. Work crap, Cancer crap, Separation crap. There’s not been a lot of good in the last few weeks.

I’m missing Elliot like there’s no tomorrow.

I don’t want this blog post to turn into a public school essay on ‘How I Spent My Summer Holiday’, I’m sorry if it does.

My vacation planning started way back in March, and really, it was kind of a joke for a while. Elliot and I would talk about him coming here to visit the Great White North, and we would laugh because he actually lives north of me.

Over time, the joke turned into a ‘what if’, what if he came here, what if I didn’t go visit Shaughn’s family, what if I had a ‘staycation’ and did things around here. Eventually the what ifs turned into full-out vacation planning in southern Ontario for Elliot and myself

This was the first vacation in 12 years that I was able to do what I wanted to do, go where I wanted to go, see what I wanted to see, and not feel like I was disappointing anyone if I wanted to do something different.

I’m beginning to see what my life will be like when I’m actually alone, Shaughn moves out in a few days, and I won’t have to consider him and what his needs and wants are anymore. I can live my life the way I want to live it. I can go the places I want, see who I want to see, and spend my time how I want and need to spend it.

I digress.

This vacation was so much more than just a typical holiday, it was Elliot’s first time to visit me, to see my space, meet some of my friends and family. I was so very excited that a bunch of my friends from a local LGBTQ group were getting together, so that he would be able to meet some of the wonderful people who have accepted me into their community as an ally. We attended our local Pride festivities and marched with PFLAG in the parade. It was amazing.

We were visiting Toronto and Niagara Falls, and were doing it with a plan, but it was flexible, we could change and alter it if we needed. We were free to wander for hours after a huge storm, and see night fall on the big city. In Niagara we were able to see the first full moon of the month rise over the falls in a $500 hotel room that we paid a mere $139 for!!!! (Always ask for the upgrade!!)

We spent days with Paisley, and nights around the campfire; sharing conversation, laughter, and tears. Still we didn’t run out of things to talk about.

For the first time in years, I finally felt like myself. I didn’t feel I had to censor my thoughts, feelings, or words. I was able to be silly, I was able to be me. I was so happy. I didn’t think about work, or cancer, or separation. I didn’t think about my life falling apart, I thought about how wonderful it was to live this life, even with all of it falling down, I was still living it, I was able to enjoy it. I knew at some point on that vacation that everything was going to be ok. I was going to be ok.

I know I’m in for an uphill climb, I know that life is going to be far from easy in the coming months. I also am realising that I am tough enough, I’m realising that I can ask for help and it’s not a sign of weakness but of  strength, I’m realising that my family and friends are the best I could ever imagine, and I don’t know where I would be if they weren’t part of my life.

And so my American Boy came to Canada, he cheered me up, lifted my spirits, let me cry, made me laugh, gave me some tough love but followed it up with a hug.

I came back to work, feeling renewed, I came back with a sense of purpose, and a determination to make the next super hard months ok. I’m determined to find myself again, to find out what makes me happy, and to figure out how to achieve my dreams. (See my ‘Someday’ blog post)

Thank you Elliot for sharing 12 days with us, thank you for all that you do.

His and Hers. They mean completely different things to each of us, but will always remind us, that out there in the world is someone who has the same tattoo. Someone who will listen to the other, someone who will not judge, but will be honest even when it hurts. Someone to make the other laugh on the hard days, and will share in the joys and triumphs that we will both have.

 

 

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Grant Me Patience To Accept The Things I Cannot Change, Like My Mother In Law. February 18, 2012

Arrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh!

Almost 9 years ago, I married my soul mate. He is an amazing guy, smart, funny, cute, kind, generous…I also married his family, slightly dysfunctional, nuts, whacked…

I really do love them and am thankful that they are part of my life, I am also thankful they live 2000 kms away. Visiting is limited to twice a year, and 2 weeks at a time at the most.

I suppose it is because Shaughn and i were raised very differently. His mother is a free spirit, like REALLY free. Classic artist-hippy-celtic loving- gardening-dreamer who has one foot on the earth and another…well, someplace else. I was raised in a very strict home. I had rules and God help me if I didn’t follow them. My mother was very Catholic, and expected her children to behave, and to be polite. Shaughn, not so much. He had no rules, and was essentially raised much in the same free-spirited way that his mother still lives.

I am making my MIL out to be a weirdo, she’s not really; we are just very different. We have different ideas on how to raise my daughter, and what is important in life. Thankfully, Shaughn and I are on the same page when it comes to most things, and most importantly on how to raise Paisley.

So, those limited visits, well, now I am in the middle of one. She usually flies in for Christmas, but this year decided to come for the kids 4th birthday. She arrived on Thursday will the world a-swirling around her, she’s akin to a tornado. Within an hour of her arrival she had her bags unpacked, stuff everywhere, gifts out for Paisley, cookies for Shaughn…and I was still working, with 3 daycare kids running around. Arrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!

My in-laws are probably some of the kindest, and generous people anyone can ever meet, they have helped us more than once when we were in a bind. Never any questions asked, never any  expectation for repayment. They always pay for our flights out to see them, and just shower Paisley with love. One thing I absolutely appreciate is that they are not grandparents who buy things constantly for Paisley; instead her visits with them are often spent doing things, and spending time making memories. This past summer the MIL had Paisley making fused glass magnets, working in the garden, and colouring and painting pictures with her. Every morning Grandad and Paisley would bake, or make jello, often I would find the two of them lost in a book together on the couch. I love it. These times, these memories are worth far more than a doll or clothes.

I will always have in-law issues, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t, BUT, in the grand scheme of things, I could have done far worse than marrying into Shaughn’s crazy family. I am thankful to have them as part of my life.

 

 
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