Mi Life Is An Adventure

Mi crazy, wonderful, beautiful life.

Life Update – Regaining My Sanity July 16, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Christa @ 6:21 pm
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I'm not THIS peaceful yet...but I'll get there

It’s been a few challenging months for me. But I am starting to feel better, I am starting to look forward, and I am starting to be more hopeful.

I’ve discovered the small changes I have been making have seemed to make all the difference in my work life, my home life, and in my own mental well-being.

The biggest thing, and I wish I wasn’t serious, but believe me its soooo true….I have been referring to the daycare kids as ‘Love’ or ‘Lovey” like a pet name. It has helped to remind me that even if I am at my WITS end with this child, that they deserve my love, and even if at that moment I don’t like them, deep down (and sometimes it’s REALLY deep down) I do love each and every one of them.

I have also decided to shelf all of my worry for the autumn. I have decided to enjoy our short summer, and not worry about what September will bring.  I can’t change things, I can’t worry about the unknown, if I continue to, I will make myself certifiable. I know that eventually things will work out, they have to. I don’t have a choice but to be a Mum, I don’t have the choice as to work or not, to go to the gym, swimming lessons, gymnastics, karate…I have to keep doing what I do, just as a single Mummy. I know how much I am going to miss our family time, but that will just make me treasure our weekends and time together more. S is doing this to better himself, and ultimately our family. I am so proud of him.

I have continued to faithfully go to the gym, and I love it! When I don’t work out, I feel like ass. When I do, I feel like a million dollars! I have ramped up my gym days to five a week. When I get home after my holidays, I will be adding weight training into my schedule. The end result is to keep my sanity in check, and to continue to work towards a healthier me.

So, for now, life is moseying along. I am happier at work, at home, and play. We are looking forward to some time away to visit our relatives out west, and are practically counting the hours. Miss P can’t wait for the airplane, and to swim in the lake, I can’t wait to sit on the dock with my Kindle and read from morning till night (of course with the occasional swim and sauna thrown in for good measure).

I will continue on this adventure, because it is Mi Adventure.

XO

 

I Wish I Had Been Able To Write This…. July 7, 2011

Friends For Now...Not Forever

I wish I had been able to write the following post:

http://greatsmitten.com/2011/07/06/meet-my-friend/

It was written in a blog called ‘Great Smitten’. I throughly enjoy the blog, I suggest you read some of her stuff.

Anyways, I digress. Her post yesterday was about this amazing friend she has, who she has been friends with since college, they have been through it all together, and have managed to stay true friends through it all. I can’t write a post like that. Not because I can’t write, but because I don’t seem to keep friends for long periods.

That sounds really bad. I have many friends, men and women I chat with daily, weekly and monthly, but I don’t have that best friend. I don’t have that person who I know I can tell ANYTHING to and they won’t judge me, or the situation.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and why this is the case. I think I  have a few theories but who knows, I could be way off base.

Firstly, for me, I think people come into my life for a reason, that reason may not be clear at first, but, I think that everyone I know has a purpose. That purpose might be for their benefit or mine, but when that purpose has been fulfilled, then like the wind they are gone again. They may pop up in the future, they may just stay where they are. I’m not upset with this, it’s just the way it is.

A few years ago when I was on maternity leave I met an amazing woman named Jen. She also had a ‘freshie’ as we like to call newborns – straight out of the oven so to speak. We became fast friends, she was new to the city and would only be here for a year or two while her partner finished her midwifery training. Jen and I hung out with our girls at least weekly, and often got through cold winter days and night-time feedings on the phone or texting for hours on end. Eventually Jen had to go back to Toronto, unfortunately it came sooner than either one of us expected, but she had to go. That year, Jen and I had shared so many ‘firsts’ with each other that we couldn’t share with our working partners. When her daughter sat up for the first time I got a picture and a phone call with a “WOOOO HOOOOOOO!”, when my daughter was cutting 3 teeth at the same time Jen listened to me whine and cry as she held my crying, whiny baby. Jen was put into my life because during that part of my life, I needed someone like me, with similar values, and interests. I needed someone who was just as new at the Mummy Game, as I was. Jen and I remain friends, but it will never be the same. I miss her terribly, but again, it is what it is.

I have a few friends from Highschool, again, we are friendly and I value them, but we were much closer in highschool, sharing lockers, stories about boys we had crushes on, and cursing the fact that we had to wear collars for our school dress code in the 30 degree temperatures.

I often wonder what it is that I am doing wrong. Am I not attentive enough, am I a shitty friend? Don’t I call enough or hang out enough? Perhaps I am a selfish friend, making it solely about me, but I don’t think so. I think part of my problem is the opposite. I give all I have and am often let down. I know that I might intimidate people because I am passionate about certain things, but I am always willing to listen to different points of view, and can even be swayed if your argument is good!

Ugh, I really don’t know.

All of the above being said, I’m not sure I will ever have what Faith has in the Great Smitten. I think I am ok with the way my friendships work. I don’t begrudge anyone who has faded out of my life, and generally they seem to fade back in again when the time is right. I am fortunate enough to be surrounded with people who love and care for me…even if it is just for a short time.

 

Mi New Outlook, Mi New Adventure, Mi Life Is A-Changin’ July 3, 2011

'Werk It Gurl'

I am feeling a little out of control these days as evidenced by my lack of posting, and my previous post, in which I believe I used the word FUCK several times.

I am still saying a lot of ‘Fucks’, but for different reasons. Shall we start from the beginning?

I used to love my job, I would get up each morning, get dressed, do my hair, even throw on some mascara. I would socialise with my co-workers, talk about TV, gossip about other co-workers, bitch about my husband. I was making decent enough wages, had full benefits, 3 vacation weeks a year, and a boss who appreciated me. That was before I opened my own home childcare after having Miss P.

I have had some serious job dissatisfaction of late. I am tired of unappreciative parents, I am tired of working 10.5 hour days making less than minimum wage per child. I am tired of the vomit, shit, and other bodily fluids I encounter on a daily basis.  Let’s just say on a scale of one to ten, I often feel about a minus fifteen. Overall, the children I work with are lovely. Several of them I have had with me since they were a year old. I have seen many firsts, and enjoyed them. It’s the other crap I hate.

I am stuck in this job for at least two more years, so I have started to examine my life, and make changes for myself, to help me feel better, be a better Mum, and caregiver to the children I work with. I have begun small meditations before bed each night, reminding myself to be patient, kind and loving to everyone in my life. It doesn’t always work, but I feel better. I joined a gym, and have been going religiously for 3 weeks. I go 4 days a week, and mix classes in with machines. I am loving it, it has been a HUGE stress relief and the physical results don’t suck either. I have an amazing workout buddy that I have really begun to value as a friend. She is getting me through the tough shit with humour and her practical “deal with it” attitude. To go with my new-found love of the gym, I have been eating super clean. My body is my temple and I should treat it as such…I’ve always thought of that as a crock of shit, I still do, but belive it or not, I really do feel better.

In amongst all of my ‘life changes’, my husband, who has been doing his own soul-searching has finally decided to go back to school. Yep, the guy with  double major university degree, who spends his days designing and making signs is going back to school. He has chosen to take a Personal Support Worker programme that has been consolidated into 9 months in the evening, allowing him to work full-time in the day.

This is a big FUCK. On one hand, I am so proud, excited, and amazed that he is entering such a noble field, on the other hand, I am scared shitless. How am I going to handle my life, and essentially being a single parent? How am I going to juggle swimming lessons, karate, my gym time, my job, cooking, cleaning, and some semblance of a family life on my own?

S has been MY rock, my “go to” guy. He is the one I bitch to, complain to, yell at, and cry to when I am having another terrible day. In September, I will only see him in the morning for an hour, and then on the weekends. He will leave at 8:45 am, and be home at 11:00pm each night. How am I not going to lose it? How am I going to support the guy who gives me all the support? FUCK!

So, what I have decided for the next two months, is to forget about school, forget about the impending life changes, forget about my crazy job, and I am going to focus on me. I am going to focus on me getting stronger, healthier – both physically and mentally, I am going to focus on being a better wife, and mother. I am worth it, and seeing how much I am giving up in the fall, I think I have the right to be selfish right now.

So, on that note, Fuck, here’s to all the good stuff that’s going to happen this summer.

 

Motivation, or Lack Thereof May 25, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Christa @ 7:22 am
Tags: , , , , , , ,

  I have been suffering from a general lack of motivation.

I am tired. Tired of my job, my house (which seems like it is in constant disrepair), my lack of money, being Super Mummy,  and generally feeling like I am always ‘ON’.

I have found of late, my down time seems to be filled with constant thoughts of what is next, how to go about it, and wondering when I’ll have the time or energy to do it. My dreams have been weird lately too. Old jobs, high school and college…weird.

This never-ending lethargy is contributing to my feeling of being less driven to do anything. I love my job, I always have. Children are what makes my world go round. Yet, in the last month I have been dreading waking up in the morning. I loathe seeing cars in my driveway at 7:15, knowing that I have 10.5 hours of work ahead of me.

My days seem to drag on, I’m sure part of it has to do with our ‘spectacular’ spring weather. I’m sure the farmers will be happy with all of the rain, but for the rest of us….not so much. I also have two broken fingers right now, this has been limiting in what I can and can’t do. I had been so excited that I had dug out 4 gardens 2 weeks ago, I planted some lovely bulbs. Now it’s time to plant my front garden, and I have a splinted hand, and a partner who is FAR less enthusiastic about flowers than I am.

We had a long weekend this past weekend, and it really kinda sucked. Sick hubby, cranky kiddo, bitchy me.

Oh well, this is a pissy entry. Sorry. I’ll do better next time.

 

Get Famous? May 16, 2011

'I never go out unless I look like Joan Crawford'

Does the world need another blogger? Really?

Am I that narcissistic to think that I am so cool, so well written and spoken that people will actually want to read what I have to write?

So why blog? What is my goal?

Honestly, I am inspired to write by the numerous blogs I regularly follow. See below for a list.

While researching about how to blog, one of the sections was titled ‘Get Famous’. Well, I don’t need or necessarily want to be famous, I think this blog will be ever evolving,  I am hoping for a dash of humour mixed in with some sarcasm and wit. I hope it will also be informative and interesting.

So, a little about myself.

I am a 34-year-old, married Canadian Mummy. My beautiful daughter (Paisley, more commonly known as Pants) is three, and my partner of erm…13 years is Shaughn. We live in an average city, in an average house. We have a dog and cat, and 4 daycare children (beasts) that come daily for care.

I went to school for Early Childhood Education, graduating in ’99, after which I moved to the Arctic to work for 6 long cold months. It was then that I realised that I was meant to spend my life where restaurants didn’t serve seal meat, and blizzards lasted for hours not days. It was then that I also realised that I was meant to spend my life with Shaughn, wherever that may be.  After my contract was finished, I moved back to the south, and worked in centre based care for the next 10 years.

In 2008 I became a Mummy, and knew I could never go back to the childcare centre I had worked at. I needed a change, and home childcare was a better option for our little family. It’s been my passion since I opened my doors on Jan. 5, 2009.

I have a special interest in the LGBTQ community and how it relates to parenting, childcare, and the growth and development of children. I am also very interested in gender issues, women’s studies, and Canadian politics.

So will any of this make me famous?

Nah, probably not, but I’m cool with that.

*Blogs I Follow:

Uppercase Woman – Cecily Kellogg http://www.uppercasewoman.com/

Aiming Low – Various Contributors http://aiminglow.com/

Mamadojo – Various Contributors http://www.mamadojo.com/

Finding Summer – Summer Minor http://findingsummer.com/

 

 
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