“I’m not that girl” she said, “I don’t call two people, not even one person to ask for help, it’s just not who I am.”
This was part of a conversation I had last night. A total stranger, going through some really tough times, reaching out.
Why are we so afraid to ask for help and support? Does it make us look weak? Are we worried about what others must think? Are we afraid that the other person will say no?
These are all valid and genuine fears, lord knows I have felt them several times. My concern is that we feel fear at all when we are reaching out. What has society done to us, that when we are at out most vulnerable we shy away from others, worried about their reaction, and not being worried about what will happen if we don’t seek support.
What gives any of us the right to judge another? Who gave us that upper-hand so that we may decide if we are better than someone else? Is that feeling justified or is it just in our heads?
I know I have certainly been on both ends as the judge and the judged. Neither is a nice place to be in. Initially, that judge position makes me feel superior; like I have the answers, like others she respect me. Afterwards, I feel like a heel. I’m not better, I sure as shit don’t have any fancy papers that say I am qualified to judge, and respect goes out the window the minute I chose to judge. As the judged, I feel small, sad, angry. I feel as if I am unable to do things on my own, mainly I feel fear.
I think we all need to take a step back, we all need to remind ourselves that we are all human, not one of us is better, not one of us is perfect. People we put in places of respect and honour make mistakes. They have affairs, they cheat on their taxes, they have mental illnesses, they are addicts and alcoholics, they are normal people too, with the same problems that we have. They just have different jobs.
This post is supposed to be connecting, the one thing that connects us, each one of us; is our humanity. From sinner to saint to everyone in between, we are all connected by the fact that we are human, we share the same dreams, aspirations, hopes, and love. We are all different, yet, so much of us is the same, why do we treat each other so differently?
Do yourself a favour today, take a step out of that judge and jury box, keep an open and clear mind, do something small to make someone else’s life a little better. It doesn’t take much, a cup of coffee, a phone call, a meal for a homeless person. Take time to listen today, not just to others, but to your internal dialogue, what are you saying? Would your thoughts be harmful and hurtful or would they be trying to see the good in everyone?
Take a minute to connect with someone today, take a minute to listen, to smile, and to appreciate what it is that makes us all human.